I was just listening to this bit on NPR (Eating Nutritiously A Struggle When Money Is Scarce) and the solution seems pretty obvious, Uncle Sam should tax fat people. Now before you accuse me of hatin’ fatties, there’s a gas guzzler tax on cars, so why can’t we do the same for people? If rich people are fair game, so are fat people. They certainly ain’t buyin’ food with their good looks. Let me break it down for ya.

If the food fiends have to use more money for taxes and not food, they’ll eat less. If they eat less, in theory they’ll lose weight. If they lose weight that helps the health care system, translates to more room on planes and less exposed plumbers’ ass cracks. Also, if they’re eating less, the price of food will drop and then the poor people will be able to afford more food. Simple supply and demand. About the only downfall I can think of is that less fatties means a small dating pool for of couple of my buds who are pro-plus size gals. You know who you are.

This reminds of the idea I had for my nightclub. I always wanted to do a night where the cover charge is based on weight. Say a penny a pound. Unfortunately, my marketing people always talk me out of it. I don’t care what Oprah sez about being proud of your body and all that fattie bullshxxt. The fact is, fat chicks and fat dudes ain’t gonna show up on a night like that.

I’m not saying we all have to be super models. I do alright but I’m no cover model either. But my Gawd, when you can’t see yourself pee isn’t it time to stop super sizing your meals? It ain’t gonna make your Big Mac any bigger or more effective. Ya dig?